i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
