I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
