Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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