dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
