I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
