god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
