I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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