You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
