You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
