I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
