im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
