glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Randomize
