what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
