shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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