I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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