So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
