Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
