I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
