craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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