Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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