You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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