it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
