So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize