3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
