you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Randomize
