HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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