i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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