We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
