At least make sure they are 18
Why
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
