sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How external is "for external use only"?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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