dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
