god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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