haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
