I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
