i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
