That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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