I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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