Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
