Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
