I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
