porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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