Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
