I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize