Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
