she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize