Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
