At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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