I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
