I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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