We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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