bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think my moral compass just broke
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