You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
