my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
