do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
