You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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