sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
