my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We have started to decorate penises.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
